Gays in the Military, Just Too Hard?

Now there’s a touchy subject, gays in the Military! Big pulsating, throbbing topic just ready to explode! I know the days of mere political correctness, when pertaining to gays, has turned into political necessity, or political suicide depending on what comes out of (or goes into) your mouth.

There are gays and lesbians wearing their sexual preferences tattooed on their foreheads for all to see in all walks of life! Every arm of government to exclude only the Presidency, and some of those fuckers are pretty damned suspect in my opinion. And, thank God for all of us, my opinion means nothing.

But seriously, I must say that I do not agree with having openly gay boys and girls in the military. Not because I’m a homophobe, I’m not. Literally all of my friends are gay. Every last one of the little fairy fuckers, so let’s not have anymore of that!

It’s just, when you look at the reality of preserving equal rights for gays in the military, do we run into a clusterfuck of the most clusterfuckiest intensity. I served proudly in the United States Army for about three years. Two years plus in Dexheim, West Germany and a fucking lifetime in hell in Fort McClellan, Alabama (about twelve weeks). This extended insider’s military experience is what I base my following views upon:

After you step out of the U.S. Army Recruiter’s office feeling queasy and having that feeling that you have really fucked something up royal (you have) you are first sent to Basic Training. That is “Where They Make a Man Out of You!” They turn you into a “Lean, Mean Fighting Machine”.

Welp, we have to face some grim facts here, kids.
It’s the men that are trained to kill. We are all given the same Basic Training, but it is the men that are given the jobs of the “Killing Machines”. I would never diminish the role of you cute little broads in the Army. And there have been many, many gay men and women that have served many tours and many lifetimes, in all aspects and at all levels of military service. But when it comes to really “Mounting an Offensive”, “Sweep and Clear”, “Search and Destroy missions”, “Special Ops Group”, Navy S.E.AL.S. and several other really cool acronyms are mainly manned with men (that’s why they call it manned and not womened, that’s why..).

The only reason I even bring up the intensity of “kill” missions divided between men and women in the military has to do with training. We’ve all heard the notion that the Army, in Basic Training, tears you down and builds you back up mentally and physically.

This is very true. During training if you cannot keep up the pace of the run you will be mocked in a very severe manner. Such as a Drill Sergeant spitting violent words into your face inquiring if you are some kind of little fucking queer because you cannot keep up running with the rest of the platoon. That’s just the tip of the iceberg.

They constantly address you as “Ladies”, etc. I’ve heard such colorful quotes as “He a talks like a fag but he sure don’t shoot like one!”. That was one from our company commander, a Captain, a member of the U.S. Army Officer Corp. It goes on practically non-stop to the point where you start to wonder why many Drill Sergeants can’t open their mouths with out something gay coming out!

Their view is that it is an effective (undocumented) motivational tool. Soldiers can’t be pansies. They are teaching you to be a trained killing machine. Straight up.

For Gays to be open in the Military they must, abso-fucking-lutely must, be given equal rights and equal levels of protection accorded to every non-gay soldier. What this would entail would be a series of major changes.

No sexual epithets could be used during training. Separate Basic Training for Gays? How does this roll off the tongue “Hey Mom, I’m off to Gay Basic Training, now! Bye!” or the inevitable “You trained with the faggots training we were in with the real men – the women!”.

What about the housing nightmare? You can’t put a gay guy in with a straight guy; you can’t put a gay guy in the same room as a female. And we all know what would happen if we let these gay guys share rooms together! They’d never make it to morning formation at 6:00am after hours of unprotected “deep cavity” sex involving poppers, gerbils, and anything else Jimmy Swaggart ever fantasized about! God Forbid! And that will be their rationalization too, “God Forbids”, oy!

They’d be humping each other silly! Astroglide tubes would litter the once sparkling hallways! The word would get out to Gay cities all over the country like San Francisco, New York and Old Lyme, CT. Recruitment would be through the roof! But the most serious questions that remain are just what would the Army do with all these interior decorators?

The uniforms definitely need work, no one would ever disagree there, but just what else would they be good at? Outing Gay Russian Generals? Smuggling classified material (extra credit if you get that one)? Impersonating Janet Reno? Seducing Dick Cheney on tape (why do you think they call him “Dick”)? Thank God (for me) most gay people have a good sense of humor!

The laws that govern the Military are not the same as the laws that guarantee our rights as American citizens. U.S. Military personnel are under the Uniform Code of Military Justice. That is a whole ‘nother ball game, folks. Things like entrapment, search and seizure, your right to privacy, and death by hanging are all handled quite differently.

The sweeping changes the Military would have to undertake to guarantee equal treatment for gays would be mind numbing in its sheer size and possibly crippling when it comes to monetary expense. Just building separate quarters would be a daunting task. Unfortunately rebuilding just the morale in the service will be akin to nation building in Afghanistan. It would take forever and create an unstable atmosphere for years.

This, my friends, is certainly a sad state of affairs, but it is reality. As much as I wish for equal rights for all, the military is governed by different laws. That is the U.C.M.J. – Uniform Code of Military Justice for those of you with low reading comprehension.

I do, of course, offer a simple solution. We keep the “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” policy. But if you get caught you don’t get thrown out of the service. You get transferred to a different post and are given a promotion!

Why not? It’s worked for the Catholic Church for years.
Originally Posted by Pat Dillon(Fee Waybill) Tuesday July 13th, 2010