Why, you ask? Good question.
After a while there is a point where your hair just isn't long enough to put in a pony-tail. You look like you need a haircut because you do, you look ridiculous. But if you get it cut, it just takes that much longer to reach your goal to join the brotherhood of dudes with pony-tails. So you either give in and get it cut or deal with whatever freak show you see in the mirror every morning. For months in some cases!
I always enjoyed when people made the "Captain Fucking Obvious" remark and ask "You growin' your hair out?" "No, I enjoy looking like Ellen DeGeneres, dipshit". I must admit the thing I hated most about short hair was that it makes me look like a cop. Or worse, a Narc. Don't get me wrong I don't have anything against cops (most cops) I just don't want to look like one. I found this out during my stint as a Grateful Dead fan. I never refer to myself as a Deadhead, I wasn't one. I found the Deadheads to be rudely clique-ish, especially to us "short-hairs".
What do you think is the real reason behind Rock-n-Rollers having long hair? It started with the Beatles as far as mass popularity goes. But what possessed them to grow their hair? Wouldn't it be fucking hysterical if this whole long hair thing was caused by John Lennon blowing off a hair-cut appointment? Johnny had some bad kidney pie last night now the whole western world looks like a giant hair pile.
It would be great to see just what things would look like had the roles been reversed. Imagine getting pulled over for speeding and seeing a gigantic State cop with a head of hair like Farrah Fawcett in your rear view mirror! That cocky way they adjust themselves after getting off of their motorcycles, punctuated by a flick of a beautiful mane of long golden blond hair. It would look divine with those mirror shades!
But I am finding my long hair to be a real pain in the ass lately. It's just too much work, so now after many years, I find myself trying to decide what my head should look like now. There are a lot more more male affectations than you may think. I could go for the crazed scientist/Einstein look. White/gray hair sticking straight up like a chia pet and a big, bushy, black mustache. I'm amazed at how often I see guys that fit that very description. Just watch a documentary on Global Warming or Astronomy.You'll see that or some guy trying to look like Art Garfunkel for some bizarre reason.
One phenomenon that is attacking men over the age of about sixty is a horrible malady called "Old Lady Face". This happens when a mans testosterone levels are kaput. Their faces are naturally sagging with age and their facial hair follicles are almost non-existent. Add a little television make-up to the pot (see Billy Crystal) and viola! Your guy now looks like his Mom. If you've ever wondered why some older actors walk around with a few days growth of ugly facial stubble, well, it's certainly beats looking like Rosie O'Donnell. I'm glad I don't have to worry about that just yet.
In the past four years if my hair was really out of control I'd just reach back and cut off most of my pony-tail with a pair of scissors. Now I just have to get up the nerve and go to someplace that actually knows how to cut hair. I just hope I don't get some wise-ass that's going to make a big production out of it. I don't need to be the center of attention at the town barber-shop, and I really don't want someone I've just told to "shaddup" cutting my hair for the first time in four years.
Maybe I'll go to one of those Korean places, they've always been nice and they laugh at my jokes, usually before I'm even done telling them! At least I think they're laughing at my jokes...
Screw it, where are my scissors?
Selah.
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