This is when I saw the truck. This truck was nothing special in and of itself, it was the political fecal matter draped all over its every surface that made it stand out like Kanye West at a KKK rally. The first thing that any good racist (there's that smell again) will recommend for turning your vehicle into a rolling hate-mobile is a Confederate flag license plate. And when you are in the Northeastern part of these United States, well, it doesn't take a political scientist to figure out just what point is being made here. We'll get to that conclusion in a second.
Along with other various bumper stickers was one that I'll never forget. One that made me seriously consider smashing this asshole's rear windshield with a tire iron. Cooler heads prevailed (I really didn't feel like getting my ass kicked) but the picture in my mind's eye remains. The "bumper sticker" showed a caricature of a grinning white man, dressed as a good 'ol boy, wearing blue jeans, a work shirt, and the obsequious John Deere farm cap. This happy little white fella was also holding a proportionally huge shotgun. The caption read: "THIS COUNTRY WAS BUILT BY WHITE MEN WITH GUNS". There were some others that were not quite as original, such as "THESE COLORS DON'T RUN" and "YOU CAN HAVE MY GUN WHEN THEY PRY IT FROM MY COLD DEAD HANDS" and the prerequisite N.R.A. sticker.
Yeesh!
What the fuckles, there, Chuckels? Had I accidentally pulled into Mayberry RFD circa 1961? I mean Holy shit, in this day and age, at my fucking pet food store, on a really nice day, I'm suddenly face to face with one of the most nauseating racist affronts to my senses that I have ever seen. "Who is the fucking asshole that owns this truck?" I found myself saying out loud, in a loud voice, and my window was rolled down (It's been rumored that I'm kind of a pussy - not true.) Of course there wasn't anybody else in the parking lot, but that didn't stop me from expressing my outrage out loud, albeit to myself.
When I entered the Feed store I knew right away which employee was the owner of the "dick-wagon". He really dressed the part, and with no excuses. He had the prerequisite short-cropped hair - what the skin-heads that don't want to look bald wear. Then came the goatee and Doc Martten's to complete the ensemble.
He was polite - to me, anyways, but all I could think of was grabbing him by the collar and asking him if he knew just how fucking ignorant he was being. To say that this country was built by just white men with guns is only half (fucking stupid ignorantly) accurate.
Black soldiers have fought in every conflict this country has even been involved in. This is to include the conflicts that were fought before we were even considered a country. They were enslaved and brought here starting in 1619. Since the Revolutionary War they had fought as free men and slaves alike, just the same as the "white men with guns". I wonder who got the shitty assignments back then! It was bad enough for black soldiers in the '40s I can't imagine what it could have been like in the 1740's.
Two Revolutionary War field Officers discussing battle strategy:
Colonel - "We need to draw the British out of their fortification on the hilltop."
Major - "How about creating a diversion - create what looks like an overwhelming opportunity for them to reduce us in great numbers. This will cause them to "charge", thus leaving the hilltop vulnerable."
Colonel - "Tell Sergeant Brown I want him over here pronto!"
Major - "Yes Sir!"
Sergeant Brown - "Sergeant Brown reporting as ordered Sir!"
Colonel - "I have a mission for you and your men, Sergeant. We need to draw the Red-Coats off the hilltop, even for a few minutes. Their advantage has disrupted the supply chain. The Officer Corp hasn't had their Brandy and Whores for days now, and this is not what we signed up to fight for!"
Sergeant Brown (with just a slight hint of attitude) - "Oh Lawdy no Missa Colonel Sah! We's c'aint hab dat happenin, no-sah!"
Colonel - "Right! You understand Brown! So what we need from you is to have you lead your men around the left flank of the hill. There's nothing over there but a rock quarry - there's no way out and no cover."
Sergeant Brown - "Say What, now?"
Colonel - "They'll run off that hill like gangbusters when they see that pile of sitting ducks!"
Sergeant Brown (with a lot more attitude) - "Sitting ducks, Sir?"
Colonel - "It's just a War College phrase, Brown I wouldn't expect you to understand it."
Sergeant Brown - "Oh I understand just fine, Sir."
Colonel - "Well let's get a move on Brown. It's getting dark so your men have a better chance of not being noticed."
Sergeant Brown (attitude is back) - "Well golly Colonel Sah, but jus' how in hell are we goin' to be sitting ducks if they can't see us? Sir."
Colonel - "That easy Brown, when you all get to the corner in the quarry - just y'all look up at 'em and smile!"
Major (laughing) - "That'll give 'em away alright!"
Sergeant Brown keeps his military bearing, barely. He briefs his men and off they go. Following the orders of their white superiors to fight for this country's independence.
Colonel - "How the black guys holdin' up? "Any left?"
Major - "We just received a report that Sergeant Brown and his men have been back in camp for a few hours now. It seems they mopped up the floor with those Brits. Imagine that... "
Colonel - "All of them! That's impossible!"
Major - "I think it was your very words, Sir, that inspired them to kill with such intensity."
Colonel - "Well Major, another victory! A Victory for us 'The White Men With Guns!'".
Doesn't sound all that unlikely does it? As for the bumper stickers I can honestly say, with absolutely no certainty at all, that I have never seen a bumper sticker that disparaged the white race. That doesn't mean they don't exist but I've lived all over the land of the weird for quite some time, and in my travels I'm sure I would have noticed something by now.
I remember seeing old "Jim Crow*" signs deep in the sticky bowels of lower Alabama - in 1986. This was at an abandoned train station on some abandoned railroad tracks down an abandoned road (obviously in Alabama "abandoned" is quite the trend). This was a place one of the locals showed me. It was frequently used by the local youths for all kinds of debauchery. You could barely read it, but in the strong southern midday sun it was still discernible that the sign over the door read "Colored Waiting Room". The local gent seemed strangely (Strange - what a fucking understatement!) proud of this remnant of the "Jim Crow Laws**" that once ruled the south.
These laws are gone now, but their legacy will live on in infamy forever. They were horrible oppresive "laws" enacted by people that just completely refuse to concede the outcome of the Civil War. And, as noted, we still see brand new traces of this kind of thinking. Whether it be hate crimes or bumper stickers, old Jim Crow is still lurking in the shadows all over America.
The Jim Crow laws were wrong, but one thing they did accomplish was to keep those freaking darkies in their place, even for just a little while. Oh CALM DOWN! I'm only kidding for christsakes! You know me better than that!
Yeesh!
Selah.
*The origin of the phrase "Jim Crow" has often been attributed to "Jump Jim Crow", a song-and-dance caricature of African Americans performed by white actor Thomas D. Rice in blackface, which first surfaced in 1832 and was used to satirize Andrew Jackson's populist policies.
**The phrase "Jim Crow Law" first appeared in 1904 according to the Dictionary of American English,"Jim Crow" had become a pejorative expression meaning "African American" by 1838, and from this the laws of racial segregation became known as Jim Crow laws.
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