I should have seen it coming. It all makes sense to me now. The mystery is over!
Finding old friends on these new "Social Networking" sites can be a gratifying, fun experience. I've been on FB for almost three months now. In that time I've connected with many old friends that I've found by, of course, reaching out to them by sending a friend request. I've run into many different types of responses, return friend invitations, event notices, birthdays, whores, etc., etc.
I had a very eye-opening experience the other day. Actually it was more like getting bitch-slapped with a rotting flounder. This was a bitch slap in the name of God himself! Oh Lawdy, yes, brothers and sisters! And I will share the tale with you all right now, straight from the safety of my warm, cozy, well-armed writing cavern.
It all started when I found an old friend on FaceBook. This is one of those people I had kept in contact with, barely, for a number of years via email and maybe a phone call. Timeline-wise I remember making one phone call from my office on the 68th floor of the World Trade Center so we've been in contact for a while.
I was thrilled to see him on FB, although slightly puzzled by his profile, and immediately sent out a friend request. As you can guess at this point, if you're into FB, the request was ignored. I sent a follow-up message and got no response. After inquiring with a few mutual friends as to his whereabouts, I was left even more puzzled. He had been in contact with other friends - I finally got the hint!
Now I had to try and figure out why the blow-off. It did sadden me a great deal, we had been great friends, we were inseparable, a team, running partners, we were thick as thieves. But, of course, we were now very different people. Not to mention constantly printing your opinions has a tendency to piss some people off
I make no pretenses about my life. I won't sit here and try to come off as some holier-than-thou fuckstick because I'm trying to pretend my past actions never occurred. Now even though this is one of my pet peeves, if someone wants to pretend these things never happened it's none of my damn business.
However, I do expect the same courtesy from these fucking poseurs. My bitch is when people that have acted like drug crazed vermin in the past keep me in that same category. After decades of separation their past no longer exists, but I'm still the same guy as I was in high school? Fuck that. And fuck them for that matter!
There are several reasons some people, even close dear friends, will turn on you like a pack of wild hyenas.
Here are some of those "reasons":
Fame - the ultimate usurper of normalcy. Example: Being rejected for a "Friend Request" on FaceBook by a musician that I had done literally hundreds of gigs with in the past. It made me feel like a stalker when it was suggested I join the "fan" page.
Money - to some people life is still a contest, he with the most toys wins. There are people I used to do massive amounts of cocaine with, freebasing, in their parent's mansions for days on end in the early '80s. I've seen a few of them this summer, and after giving them a warm hello I barely rated a casual nod. Do they think I still do those kinds of things? Was there a glass pipe hanging out of my pocket? Well one of these people was just arrested for keeping an underage girl on the side, so there's your morality.
Sex - whether it be cosmetic surgery, a trophy wife or husband - the fight against age can be fought with good looks. This is one I am guilty of myself, I must admit, I can be shallow. But it's the fat jokes! I blame the fat jokes as they were my only line of defense when I was a kid and I got damn good at it, I know a million of them.
At the same time I don't think one can buy bragging rights with cosmetic surgery, that's too easy, it's cheating. If you see someone from the distant past that has kept fit for all those years by healthy living, they deserve the credit. And bragging rights. However, the sudden sight of an old friend that has put on two hundred pounds can be damaging. It can result in shock, blindness, coma, frontal lobe seizures, and fits of laughter (with pointing) in inappropriate surroundings.
Social Standing - you would think this would fall under the Money category, but I've know many a couple that were not wealthy by any standards, but these people definitely had a stick up their ass. They were entering the world of politics. Or I should say had already entered as they had that stench about them, a kind of "Dick Nixon" perfume. After making a joke about the great weed he supplied to the neighborhood I never heard from him again. Or gotten any of that great weed from him again. But again, my friends, the joke was made in private, at my house at my bar. Just me and him sitting there having an after work beer. I guess all the hidden microphones made him nervous. I don't know why, they were all in the bathroom...
Religion - this, to me, is the most confusing because of the sheer hypocrisy that's gone down lately. Can some one tell me whatever happened to "Separation of Church and State"? I'm not talking about the "Tea-baggers" I'm talking about laws that are already on the books, have been enforced for years, and are all blatantly about religion. Some push them under the carpet by calling them "Blue Laws". That's bullshit. I could go on forever about all of these points so I'll keep it short.
How can history and science be discounted by religion? How can something that can and has been proven, like evolution, be discounted by something that has never been proven, does not hold one shred of viable evidence, and must be sustained by having "Faith"? Personally I don't give a shit, but when you start forcing your religious beliefs on my kids in school you've crossed a line. At school that is paid for by public funding? This means MY MONEY! If these people want to send their kids to a Madrasah, I mean a religious school, that's fine with me. This is America. Just don't expect me to pay for it! That's also America, motherfucker!
I get scared when a person that does not believe in evolution can actually be a presidential candidate. Mike Huckabee, now here's a piece of work. I wonder if these people that believe in creationism actually put some thought into what would happen to this country if Mike Huckabee's full agenda was put into action. What would America be like under President Huckabee? I see the creationists eye's glaze over as that little "children of the corn" smile comes to their lily white faces.
And I see the realists, lining up to buy one-way tickets to Canada. After seeing President Huckabee "Speaking in Tongues" during the State of the Union Address there's been a second mass exodus! The first exodus, mainly consisted of catholic families with young boys, started right after the Huckabee Administration passed the man/boy love act.
The point I guess I'm trying to make here brothers and sisters and all you little weirdos in between (love 'ya) is forgiveness. Where is the forgiveness and understanding that is supposed to be a major part of spirituality, and a major part of religion? Yes I said religion. Every religion I've ever known has always preached peace, love, understanding, and most of all forgiveness. Salvation. Hope. Where have these things gone? Has status killed the very core of all of our "higher powers"?
Well kids, there will be no understanding in Mudville tonight. I found out it was my views on his newly found religion that caused my old friend's soapbox to wobble. He had been reading my column. In this age of social networking he was afraid I'd post some crazy past antic or blatant drug abuse we used to enjoy so often. Are these people so fucking delusional that I care so much about them that I'm going to waste my time and energy writing something damning on their fucking FaceWall? I guess so, because that's exactly what the reason turned out to be.
When it comes to his fellow parishioners finding out about his past he may have valid fears. Just take a look at some holier-than-thou leaders of the Evangelical and Baptist churches that have had their past exposed. How about Ted Haggard? Remember him, the leader of the "New Life Church" of Colorado Springs, Colorado that got caught in a tryst involving a hunky gay masseur and pile of crystal meth? Old Ted really got fucked over on that one. Where's the forgiveness? Where's the compassion? Pastor Ted did go to a three week clinic that washed all of the gay off of him, so what's the fuckin' problem?
Maybe there's some of Pastor Ted's "buddies" that don't want him around, some other upstanding members of their congregation that have the same skeletons in their closet for example. For some reason I have not been able to find an explanation for, Ted Haggard agreed contractually not to live in the State of Colorado. Sure he was paid but why did he have to physically disappear? Maybe the other boys that were eventually paid off by the church had something to do with that. The boys were paid six figures to keep things quiet, money not too well spent, eh?
Well if my old friend is worried that his past actions and statements would sully him in the eyes of his church he damn well should be. He should catch the next train to Clarksville, Daddy-o, because if this is their version of forgiveness and understanding he's fucked.
And if someone like him is elected President we're all fucked.
Selah.
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